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A naive, inexperienced young man gets married, is not sure what to do on his wedding night. He calls his mother and asks her what to do. His mother says, ‘ lay down along side her, rub her belly, and tell her you love her.’ So he does just that. His new bride says, ‘oh, lower, lower.’ The man musters up his deepest voice, rubs her belly, and says, ‘I love you’. The young man calls his mother back and explains that that didn’t work. Mother says, ‘ take your most prized possession and put it where she pee pee’s.’ So gets his bowling ball and puts it in the toilet.

A woman stands nude in front of the mirror noticing all of her sags and wrinkles. “Honey, say something good about me to make me feel better about myself.” ”Well,” he says, “seems your vision is spot on!”