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Dr. Vapor

This Place Used To Be Fun.......

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And by the way I am never alone. I hope I didn't imply this. I always walk with God in my corner. But I certainly don't want to bring my Christian God into a hippie forum debate. I've heard a lot of insensitive thoughts about God and Christians from hippies. I find it is better to remain Godless in conversations in these circles.

I can also feel my dad with me at all times. Never feel alone.

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So I have had my grandmother on my mind this holiday season. She had this story surrounding collards and en earthworm she told me as a child when she was a child. So what do you know, a little earthworm was hidden in the cleanest collards I have ever washed, given to me for New Years. I had to smile and know she laughing and leaning in close with her love.

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Interesting where a thread weaves. Been thinking a lot of my dad lately. He wasn't one of the people who get a pace maker and live another 20 yrs. No, 16 years ago, his heart attack happened and God gave us a month together before He took him home. Hospital for two weeks ago, which I went to visit every day, then two weeks at home where he would only let me buy him food for a day or two. Said he'd tell me about how serious his health was later on, one and a half lungs already cancer ridden. He did visit me in a dream, where he took my hand and told me it's going to be alright. I believed him in the dream. It's all good. When I asked my pastor, six yrs after, when I would get over missing him, she said that that doesn't go away, no problem grieving 16 yrs later, it gives meaning to life. When we gonna get a Hunter Gets Captured?

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My dad was in a medically induced coma. They had done a procedure to fix an irregular heart beat or arrhythmia. The procedure didn't go well. He was dead for 4 minutes plus. He recovered and got healthy for a little bit. He then started drinking again. We got another 9 months with him. Then he had a massive heart attack and I found him blue and dead in the shower. The vision haunts me until this day. I will never forget how he looked.

He too never let on how sick he really was.

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And of course that vision despite the prevailing belief that we are one. My story with my father is unique to me. Not even my siblings can truly share in that story. I'm the one who found him. I'm the one that has that image. So we can all be one and you can try to understand but you don't and you can't. That path is for my steps alone.

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Interesting where a thread weaves. Been thinking a lot of my dad lately. He wasn't one of the people who get a pace maker and live another 20 yrs. No, 16 years ago, his heart attack happened and God gave us a month together before He took him home. Hospital for two weeks ago, which I went to visit every day, then two weeks at home where he would only let me buy him food for a day or two. Said he'd tell me about how serious his health was later on, one and a half lungs already cancer ridden. He did visit me in a dream, where he took my hand and told me it's going to be alright. I believed him in the dream. It's all good. When I asked my pastor, six yrs after, when I would get over missing him, she said that that doesn't go away, no problem grieving 16 yrs later, it gives meaning to life. When we gonna get a Hunter Gets Captured?

now there's (Hunter Captured..) a goodie

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My dad was in a medically induced coma while I was being held against my will for some poor decisions I made in Delaware. They had done a procedure to fix an irregular heart beat or arrhythmia. The procedure didn't go well. He was dead for 4 minutes plus. He recovered and got healthy for a little bit. He then started drinking again. We got another 9 months with him. Then he had a massive heart attack and I found him blue and dead in the shower. The vision haunts me until this day. I will never forget how he looked.

He too never let on how sick he really was.

 

inquiring minds (poor decisions in DE) want to know

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I'm afraid I've said too much. I will edit my post. I don't need the inquisition. Feel free to ask me face to face anytime. Public forums are bad to discuss legal issues. Really surprised that's what you latched into after those stories.

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My dad was in a medically induced coma. They had done a procedure to fix an irregular heart beat or arrhythmia. The procedure didn't go well. He was dead for 4 minutes plus. He recovered and got healthy for a little bit. He then started drinking again. We got another 9 months with him. Then he had a massive heart attack and I found him blue and dead in the shower. The vision haunts me until this day. I will never forget how he looked.

He too never let on how sick he really was.

That's intense. Thanks for going out on the limb. Got a quote from Hunter at a show in the fall of 1984, mostly Ammagamalin material, where he says, between songs, "life's a rich tapestry, but there also a lot of sorrow". hit the pavement and roam...I think its a North Hampton show.

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Nice turn on this thread.

Thank you Rick , reminds me of Dylan "you'll never know the hurt I suffered or the pain I rise above and I'll never know the same about you..."

Paths...

From the years 5 to 14 I had serious doubts about religion, I was brought up catholic but never felt a "connection". At 14 with my first sheet of acid I spent a good part of that two weeks contemplating what is real and the words from man about God didn't fit into reality or altered reality. How can humans tell me about a God ? It seemed contrived, dissect everything about a supreme being, pigeonhole it and feed it to me on a platter...

At 25, after 3 days of nonstop mushrooms, banging coke, and seconals (to take the edge off) with my girlfriend, I told her she had to stop coke because I was falling in love with her and I would die from an overdose if I continued. She said she couldn't stop and her spirit would go to a new plane. She didn't think it would be heaven yet but maybe her existence after that... she told me she didn't want to cause me or her family anymore pain so she decided she would kill herself with a big shot. I thought she had cocaine psychosis and I didn't believe her. 3 days later she took a big shot and died..

Events during our last night together (I won't get into here) were significant and I started searching for something... Open to just maybe...

Having significant spinal problems I would occasionally use heroin for pain. About 1 month after her death I used heroin and was amazed at how it killed all emotional pain and continued for the next 10 years. Horrible events followed, many deaths, the event surrounding my mothers death... Etc.

Like Rick I will tell you face to face probably with tears...But Not here, too personal.

Is there a God?...

My path is my own... Evidence of God in my life has been overwhelming.

As close to death as you can come God intervened in my life.

I didn't know it at the time.

I had a hard time walking with a cane for ten years. 2 back operations, double fusion, broke fusions herniated 3 or 4 discs above that, 5 operations on my knees taking 95 percent of all cartilage out... 1990 3 separate surgical groups all said I need to have fusions redone and fuse 3or 4 more discs, cut me open from both sides, rods in my back, and body cast for 9 months.

I had a huge heroin habit , up to 50-60 bags per day at times of 80% pure Brooklyn dope for 10 years.

Nonstop guilt that told me that I didn't deserve to be alive...

Maybe there is a God....

Bullet holes in windshields of cars right in front of my head knowing the impossibility from the trajectory of not being hit.

Beat the addiction, nothing almost 22 years now.

I didn't have operations on back and I can dance!!! Well some say I can :)

I have overcome the guilt and know I am meant to be alive...

I have (come back) during last rites with 48 staples closing me up.

My path is my own!

I have found God in the evidence of my life.

I feel Gods presence:

At sunrise and sunset or the heat of the sun on my skin

The gentle falling of snowflakes

The Stars while sitting on the beach

The mist coming off the ocean while casting lures

The laughter of children

The tears of men and women

I have felt Gods presence from the intellect and ignorance of humans

In all the wars wants and strife in this world

The love of friends and strangers

A wild rabbit that sat at my feet and smiled at me. Well seemed like it anyway.

And most certainly in song and dance!!!

I still don't find religion is my path to God but I have found the philosophical concepts and values in religion beneficial to me. From the ego deflating and karma of Eastern religions to the selfless service to humanity of christian and other beliefs.

I believe it is more important to practice spirituality. That is God being exhibited in my actions... Usually through principle such as honesty open mindedness surrender patience acceptance tolerance love hope faith courage perseverance sympathy empathy compassion thoughtfulness respect forgiveness generosity usefulness charity selflessness etc.

Living a flawed human experience I can only aspire to practice this more tomorrow than today.

A quote from Robert Pirsig comes to mind,

"Most people stand in sight of the spiritual mountains all their lives and never enter them, being content to listen to others who have been there and thus avoid the hardships. Some travel into the mountains accompanied by experienced guides who know the best and least dangerous routes by which they arrive at their destination. Still others, inexperienced and untrusting, attempt to make their own routes. Few of these are successful, but occasionally some, by sheer will and luck and grace, do make it. Once there they become more aware than any of the others that there's no single or fixed number of routes. There are as many routes as there are individual souls."

I have my own path!

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When you look past form, (and emotions and thoughts), we are one heart. It is the Love within us that goes on to other planes and that really exists and persists in this plane when anchored with good planning and passion. Collectively, we are all the heart energies. individually we are our own recipe, a collection of heart energies that is as individual in composition as a fingerprint. Form is a means of expressing the heart by thoughts imbued with passion and anchored into physical form. Your actual individual journey doesn’t matter as much as the heart energies you gained and grew as a result of the journey. And if you can synergize with others, the gift will be that much more big and more powerful. Perhaps you acquired a bigger energy of Belief (hope is an empty form), Faith and Trust as a result of your journey. That is what matters and endures. The pathway unique and the true outcome in the heart the same.

( That is why for me the dance with all of you DSO starheads when it becomes an organism unto itself is so so amazing a collection of all that dance encapsulates and fills me up like nothing else with freedom and creativity and passion)

For example :

My mom may have expressed her Love and Nurturing in the form of hugs every day when I came home from school and sweet words. Conversely, your mom may have not been a touchy feely person but expressed her Love and Nurturing in the form of baked cookies and tasty treats ready for you after school. Is one mother’s love greater than another’s? Is one of form of Love better than another? One might prefer hugs and foot rubs over baked goods but that is preference. It does not diminish the Love and Nurturing one mother over another. They can be equally as big, just expressed differently.

At 19, I walked into the aftermath of an armed robbery. I had been on the phone with my beloved, and he put the phone down to wait on his customer. That customer would be his last. He died with a fatal shot to his carotid artery that blew out his mandibular molars on the way at the phone with another pistol shot to the leg trying to reach me for help. The wind left my wings as the Zephyr moved on, I was able to help the 1st witness, a partial paraplegic ex- cop, and he lived long enough to testify and put the 19 year old I went to middle school with in jail for life. There were some lessons there, and some wounds there I am still healing

How to deal with forms. Look past the circumstance and find the heart and see the real subject matter. What is it your script is telling you you want to create.

(Did your coworker boss take credit for your work? a myriad of emotions could arise in you. Mistrust. Victimization. Anger. Each points to something more needed in your life.)

It is up to you to create it as a child of the Universe. As the heir of Love Incarnate.

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I have a special kinship with both of you Rick and Jenn as well as some others. Like spirits recognize each other...

The deepest scars heal into great spirits...

Or as Gibran says

" the deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain"

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I understand and even agree with some of the concepts that velvet is pushing but I don't agree with her method of sharing nor do I think her core religion would neither. Your dharma is not for preaching- it is for being.

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Saying I have my own path doesn't prevent me from understanding and even agreeing with much of what she said. I do not believe that they are muItaly exclusive. I do not believe a belief in oneness togetherness and the connection of all god's beings prevents me from maintaining my uniqueness my individuality and having my own path. But hell what do I know.

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I also see nothing wrong with being on a path or life learning curve if you will. My goal is to stay present today to have growth for tomorrow to continue along the path. I am here today but I will be further along tomorrow.

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And by here I mean getting back to denver into 8 inches of snow and single digit temperatures. It's gonna be a struggle to get car cleared off and warmed up but I get to see my puppies and they will make my heart glow.

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The universe is my stage. I am the producer and director and you all are but bit players in my musical phantasy I call life.

You all are the creator of my universe and I am but a bit player in this musical phantasy called life.

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and by extension Brian what you think of me is none of my business - lol

as I am just a player in your play - a role.

That is why i TRY to be grateful to everyone, for what they bring us is a gift - no matter if it is a "good" one or a "bad" one. It is what you do with it that matters.

My son got upset because his sister would hurt his lego creations. He was the victim. The victim never grows, always blaming their creation on circumstances. I told him if anything respect other's creations and maybe the lesson would go away. I believe he understood.

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and by extension Brian what you think of me is none of my business - lol

as I am just a player in your play - a role.

That is why i TRY to be grateful to everyone, for what they bring us is a gift - no matter if it is a "good" one or a "bad" one. It is what you do with it that matters.

My son got upset because his sister would hurt his legit creations. He was the victim. I told him if anything respect other's creations and maybe the lesson would go away. I believe he understood.

obviously until that lesson your son disrespected other's creations.  I'm surprised any offspring of PG could be that way. :) 

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I miss Chuck, Bucket, Anthony, Brian ( LDR ), Nicole, James, Jordan, Torin, Vince, Sue, Bisco, Kyle, Sammy, Aaron, Gary, Connie, Prescott, Daniella, Matt, Herdy, Emma, Rafe, Steve, Kris, Dan, Blythe.... this thread means this to me...not sure why....Love the old days but things change....  I know I'm missing someone and I already feel bad about it...peace and love...

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Lisa, Konopka, Mike Hall, Mason, B and A, Kira, Kieu, Ty and company, Woodpile, Phil (Man in Green); the road goes on forever.

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and by extension Brian what you think of me is none of my business - lol

as I am just a player in your play - a role.

That is why i TRY to be grateful to everyone, for what they bring us is a gift - no matter if it is a "good" one or a "bad" one. It is what you do with it that matters.

My son got upset because his sister would hurt his legit creations. He was the victim. I told him if anything respect other's creations and maybe the lesson would go away. I believe he understood.

obviously until that lesson your son disrespected other's creations. I'm surprised any offspring of PG could be that way. :)
Maybe he just needed to express his appreciation of what others are bringing at age 8. ... His *lego* creations

Nice sentiment. Happy New Year, Ducats.

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