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Greg from Chestertown

Did you hear the one about......?

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On 7/14/2019 at 5:05 PM, Greg from Chestertown said:

Did you hear the one about the Irish girl who was always hanging out on the front porch?

Patty O’ Furniture?

There is a drag queen named that from SC.

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A wife is sitting at her husband’s funeral. A man leans in and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?” “No, go right ahead”, the woman replies. The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down. “Thanks”, the woman says,

 

“that means a lot”

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What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?  I don’t know and I don’t care

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. So, Albert Einstein, the Pope and a boy scout are on a plane. The plane develops engine trouble and it looks like they’re going to crash. The only problem is that there’s three people but only two parachutes. As they start to debate who should get a parachute and survive, Einstein grabs a ‘chute, throws it on his back and jumps out of the plane, the whole time giving a quick speech about how he  needs to live so that he can protect the world and save humanity with his intelligence. 
  The Pope turns to the Boy Scout and proceeds to explain to the young fella why he needs to live. The Boy Scout interrupts the Pope and says, ‘Relax, old man, the smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane with my knapsack.’ 

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The guy in a full ER? 
 

He’d broken his leg badly and was waiting to see a doctor. The doctor came in and was going to give him something for pain and wait for it to take effect, which meant more waiting. The fella said, Listen Doc. Go ahead and set it. I have already experienced the most unbearable pain, TWICE! The doctor concerned but interested ask how it came about. The fella said well, the first time was when I was camping and accidentally sat on a bear trap. And the second?? Right after that.... 

when he ran out of chain. 

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A guy goes into a bar, orders a shot. He immediately downs the shot, slams the shot glass on the bar and orders another shot. He downs that and right away orders another shot which he downs immediately. He orders another shot and downs it right away. The bartender says, ‘Damn, Cap’n, what are we celebrating?’ The guy says, ‘oh, it’s my first blow job.’ The bartender says ‘well, in that case, let me buy you another shot.’ Then, the guy says ‘ No, that’s ok. If the first four didn’t get rid of the taste, the next one won’t do any good either. 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 hours ago, Greg from Chestertown said:

The bartender says, ‘Damn, Cap’n, what are we celebrating?’ The guy says, ‘oh, it’s my first blow job.’ The bartender says ‘well, in that case, let me buy you another shot.’ Then, the guy says ‘ No, that’s ok. If the first four didn’t get rid of the taste, the next one won’t do any good either. 

giphy.gif

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A shrinking man runs into a doctor's office, cuts in front of the line of patients and says "doctor you gotta help me, I'm a shrinking man!"

 

 

 

 

The doctor says, "Well, you're just going to have to be a little patient."

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Watching the impeachment trial made me think of this one. 
 

   Little Johnny comes home from school, says, ‘ dad, I’m a little confused. I hear the older kids talking. Can you get pregnant from anal sex?’

 
  ‘Sure you can, son. Where do you think lawyers come from?’

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