I know it will get better eventually but I'm not in a place where fond memories soothe much pain. While we lived hundreds of miles apart, rarely a day went by without us communicating. His brand of wit, hijinks, and bleep talking, was something that was woven into the fabric of my life. That, and pictures and videos of that beautiful, ball-of-energy son of his. To be communicating that frequently and not know that he was in the level of obvious pain meant either I was not paying close attention - or he hid it extremely well. Probably a little of both I'll guess.
It's just a gaping hole in my life and right now there's no way to fill it. I'll continue to provide all of the moral support I can as his loved ones pick up the pieces but his loss seems to color the things I think about - it's surprisingly pervasive. I'm not farming for sympathy but I need for these words to pierce the air because bottling them up is decidedly unhealthy for me.
Miss you buddy - you were so loved! I wish you would've felt that love in your heart and that it would've been enough for you to veer of the path you followed. I'm still infuriated with you and love you just as strongly ❤️