Rude

[bs69]

This hurts. Met Aaron several years ago in Cincy and have texted with him quite a bit over the years, usually about politics or sports betting. Even got him to come to our big camping extravaganza down at Mammoth cave in Spring 24'. Such a good guy to hang out with, he'll be missed.

[Ammagamalin Crew]

https://www.milnerandorr.com/obituaries/Aaron-Andrew-Rottgering?obId=42908532

 

This was sent to me by a mutual friend of Aaron and me. This friend got me to my first dead show ~ 2nd night of RR 83. We've done a few Rochester and Buffalo DSO shows through years. 

[Masons Child]

I’ve been trying to work myself into the right space to share here and just feeling too much when I think about it. On my way to Kauai today for 6 nights I hope and believe that the sound of the waves and the feel of the sand will center me so I can truly share stories about a person who meant so much to my life. We had more good times coming brother. The darkness was gonna give. I just can’t believe that those times have been taken from us. I hope to see you again on the other side. You challenged me. Cared for me. Insulted me. Supported me. Changed me. I’m not sure you even knew just how much you impacted my life and I know I did some of the same for you.  We were cut from the same cloth kind caring good spirited ass holes. 

[2muchfun]

34 minutes ago, Tom Banjo said:

IThe darkness was gonna give. I just can’t believe that those times have been taken from us. I hope to see you again on the other side. You challenged me. Cared for me. Insulted me. Supported me. Changed me. I’m not sure you even knew just how much you impacted my life and I know I did some of the same for you.  We were cut from the same cloth kind caring good spirited ass holes. 

I resemble that remark.

 

Obit indicates “a celebration of Aaron’s life will be at a later date”. I wish to be a part.

[Dr. Barry]

 

HE WAS A FRIEND OF MINE

 

Ever since hearing the terrible news I can't get it out of my head. Now seeing pictures of Aaron posted online and his obituary just bring it all home with even greater impact. We're left here empty handed and empty hearted wondering "why?", what could I have done?, what could anyone have done?... Lots of questions, no good answers.

 

A long time ago Aaron told me the story of how he got the nickname "Rude" and how he didn't feel it really suited him anymore and to me he was "Aaron" ever since. I can't remember where we met or when but it was a long time ago and we became friends right away. Maybe we were friends through the Forums first (most likely), where he lovingly spent so much of his time, becoming a larger than life figure on the scene with his sharp wit and friendly approach to everyone. But he would have remembered where and how we met. He had a sharp memory in addition to his wit and an encyclopedic knowledge of the Grateful Dead and DSO.

 

Aaron had a "way" about him. He was a totally unique character and he was certainly a "character" in every good sense of the word. He would spark debate about anything with opinions about everything. He would smile all the while knowing that he was really just acting out a charade and spoofing all of us on the state of things. You could count on him too. If he promised, he delivered. But if you engaged with him on a topic you really had to be ready to follow it way down (or up) because Aaron had the tenacity and cleverness to be the devils advocate to the devils advocate. And he was really smart, as anyone naive enough to try and "win" a debate with him quickly found out.

 

How can we find any peace or closure when the most unthinkable happens? How do I reconcile the little videos he would send me of his son Jonathon dancing or playing while Aaron clearly was a very proud dad? How can we get back to the good memories that anyone who called Aaron a friend has many of? How? No good answers.

 

All I can think of is to try and remember to look out for each other. We are members of the same strange club, fraught with too much intellect, too much adventure, and too much risk when we let things get out of hand. Make a pact with one person that you will call them if you ever get to that point. Swear you will make that call. For me I've realized over my life that no matter how bad and hopeless things seem at any moment that they don't seem as bad 24 hours later. Maybe still bad, but not THAT bad. So that is a promise I made to myself, if needed shut the lights, close the curtains, roll up into a ball but just wait 24 hours and let yourself create a floor above the abyss. And there is always the 24 hour suicide hotline available by call or texting 988.

 

Aaron, you loved many and you were loved by many. You were a good friend. You were a brother on the DSO scene that will never be replaced. I wish you the peace you needed, but wish you were still around for the world to share while we all stand around looking for answers that don't really exist. Love you brother.

[chuckvegas]

Beautifully said, Barry.

 

It’s been too long.

[deadheadmike]

my  condolences to Rude's family and friends ( starheads )  ,,, I didn't know him, but it was easy to see that he was very important  here on the forum and to the DSO community ...  I would love to be able to hit like on most if not all the replies here , but it doesn't work , so I'll just say that the replies here show how much he was loved  , they're  beautiful and heartfelt  ... RIP Rude   

[Tea]

I know it will get better eventually but I'm not in a place where fond memories soothe much pain.  While we lived hundreds of miles apart, rarely a day went by without us communicating.  His brand of wit, hijinks, and bleep talking, was something that was woven into the fabric of my life.  That, and pictures and videos of that beautiful, ball-of-energy son of his.  To be communicating that frequently and not know that he was in the level of obvious pain meant either I was not paying close attention - or he hid it extremely well.  Probably a little of both I'll guess.

 

It's just a gaping hole in my life and right now there's no way to fill it.  I'll continue to provide all of the moral support I can as his loved ones pick up the pieces but his loss seems to color the things I think about - it's surprisingly pervasive.  I'm not farming for sympathy but I need for these words to pierce the air because bottling them up is decidedly unhealthy for me.

 

Miss you buddy - you were so loved!  I wish you would've felt that love in your heart and that it would've been enough for you to veer of the path you followed.  I'm still infuriated with you and love you just as strongly ❤️ 

 

 

[Ammagamalin Crew]

Both Aaron and Garcia did the work they needed to do here in 53 yrs. I've thought through the years and came to peace at times thinking "Jerry didn't need to deal with what's happened since he left" His work was done here during the time he was alive. 'He's walking the streets of pure gold'. Aaron did tremendous work here and now he's 'joined the heavenly fold'. I never would have met you Tea if Aaron didn't insist, not taking no, that I come up to Indy when you came in for the Hyryder weekend. He said "free ticket, place to stay", realizing I probably won't meet you, Tea,  at the Jubilee, so I hit the road and caught the second set, then back at the BnB he and I stayed up past everyone talking shop. He did the same when Poetry Girl came in for her Hyryder weekend otherwise I never would have recognized her at my first Jubilee. I know I didn't rank high on his totem pole, but he welcomed me in to his home on the way back from the cancelled DSO Minglewood Hall show in Memphis, invited me to the DSO after show party in the Uptown Lounge after last year's Riveria show in Chicago, introduced me to some of his best hometown friends, coached me through a break up and always made everything work (Like mentioned above). He confided in me, when Meili was pregnant, that this was the greatest thing he could hope for at age 51. Shine on you crazy diamond is the song Jonathan was dancing to in the video clip I was fortunate to receive. His ways and means and the trenchtown work he did in 53 years furthered the love we all share.  He did extremely well as a human being with a huge heart

[ilphen]

I didn't know Rude from the festivals or the band, but we bonded over late night talks online as we shared stories, experiences and views about the world. The man was a treasure and I will miss him a lot. 
my thoughts are with jonathan, hope the kid will be alright

 

peace out rude

 

[Vic81]

Been on my mind since it happened and got the call. Met Aaron at black mountain for the first time I think 8 or 9 years ago. One of the best weekends of friends and music in my life. 
Just like the rest of you southern boys he was very welcoming into the crew having just met me and we all became friends. He was very impressed with my ability to smuggle booze into shows. He showed me his version but liked mine better. Of course we shared it during the show. 
I hadn’t seen him in awhile but we kept in touch through text and calls, and here on the forums. We shared a hatred of each others  football teams me being  a Giants fan and him Cowboys. He had been having a lot more to brag about the past decade than me by far. 

I would always say you southern boys gotta get up to the Capitol one of these days and spend a weekend. He liked how I said Portchestuhh. It saddens me greatly that this will never happen now. I was waiting for the day for it. This one hurts. Gonna miss his wild rants here. It hurts that I won’t see his tall lanky ass at a show again. We shared pics of our young sons at their first shows and talked about fatherhood and how great and life changing it is. His son is on my mind. 
Makes me happy to have known him. 
Gonna miss you man

RIP

Rudedog 

rude 

Aaron
 

 

[gr8fulpair]

8 hours ago, Vic81 said:

Been on my mind since it happened and got the call. Met Aaron at black mountain for the first time I think 8 or 9 years ago. One of the best weekends of friends and music in my life. 
Just like the rest of you southern boys he was very welcoming into the crew having just met me and we all became friends. He was very impressed with my ability to smuggle booze into shows. He showed me his version but liked mine better. Of course we shared it during the show. 
I hadn’t seen him in awhile but we kept in touch through text and calls, and here on the forums. We shared a hatred of each others  football teams me being  a Giants fan and him Cowboys. He had been having a lot more to brag about the past decade than me by far. 

I would always say you southern boys gotta get up to the Capitol one of these days and spend a weekend. He liked how I said Portchestuhh. It saddens me greatly that this will never happen now. I was waiting for the day for it. This one hurts. Gonna miss his wild rants here. It hurts that I won’t see his tall lanky ass at a show again. We shared pics of our young sons at their first shows and talked about fatherhood and how great and life changing it is. His son is on my mind. 
Makes me happy to have known him. 
Gonna miss you man

RIP

Rudedog 

rude 

Aaron
 

 

We’ve all levitated together brother! Best of times!! Totally agree the saddest part is thinking about that never happening again! Love you bro! Well said! ❤️✌️

[Greg from Chestertown]

This one is staying with me, for some reason. I really only talked with him for less than five minutes once at a show, but you couldn’t help but know him through these forums. I think the sting is because he was one of us, plain and simple. I didn’t wander too far off with my dancing that night. I’m guessing with his height, he was the Sun that our dance orbits revolved around.

   We must be kind and considerate to others. We do not know what they may be going through. 

[redeyedbert]

Between 2008 and 2014 were my peak DSO years.  I don’t really know how I went from going whenever I could to maybe once a year. Such is life.

 

Anyway, I met Aaron at 2013 New Years.  Great guy.  I knew immediately he was special.  I wanted to be around him.  It was just those 2 shows that we hung out, but it was enough to be devastated when I learned of his passing.  I only saw him one more time near Toledo in 2019? It was like 2 old friends catching up even though we barely knew each other.

 

I may not post anymore but I’m always lurking, reading.  Even though I wasn’t going to many shows I knew he was, and I always thought I’d see him again.  So sad that I won’t.

 

RIP in brother.  You will be missed even by someone who barely knew you.

[Masons Child]

So I’m still just devastated. A little angry. 
 

Rude and I were brothers. We caught lots of shows together. We rode together on several runs. We did some West Coast stuff that put us in Vegas at some point. He rode out to catch the Boston 69 show that a little birdy had til us too following Jubilee one year. 
 

I drove him back to Kentucky on my way back to Colorado. Hell we found way to help each other fund these crazy rides. During this ride, I convinced him to go out on his own and start his own business. I eventually saw him kick some pretty serious habits. He tried to help with some of mine. JohnA I was supposed to come with Rude to that Bourbon and audiophile session. Fate would have it that a buddy from the show from the night before could only stay for the 2nd set if I drove him back to Santa Cruz the next day. 
 

im sure you guys remember that time Rude put together that bad ass house in black mountain for a bunch of us. Some of us did Pocahontas and some of us just did the 2 black mountain over 4 days or something. Epic epic time. We just had so many good times together. 
 

We had epic back forths on here in the Sports section. Being an eagles fan and him being a Cowboys fan definitely gave my pleasure over the past 10 years getting under his skin. We’d also go at over SEC football.

 

He basically funded my trip to New Orleans for DSO when Dark star played Whitney’s birthday show on its 40th anniversary. Have gave her a ride back to the Carbondale area when she agreed to stay with me when her friends were headed home for more New Orleans fun. 
 

Rude and I weren’t in a good place when he passed and that rough for me. I knew the next time we saw each other we’d be laughing smiling and telling inappropriate jokes like nothing happened. I know we were brothers and life long friends. 
 

im gonna miss you man. 

[gr8fulpair]

On 6/9/2025 at 9:52 PM, Tea said:

Salt of the earth gang - signing off until we meet again some day

That one hits me hard bro. ALL members of that crew remain crushed by this tragedy. We gotta learn from this. 

[Dharmada]

Just reading this. What terrible news. I’ll really miss seeing Aaron at shows. Last time we texted he was raving about Sturgill. I’ll miss his funny stories and in-depth knowledge of the music. We had some good times from Jubilee to Park City. Rest easy brother. 

[Ammagamalin Crew]

Celebration of life August 9th in Paducah, KY

 

Let's all have his celebration of life at the Rose ⚡🎶🔥🛞🇱🇷

[Ammagamalin Crew]

Heard a Sturgill Simpson song watching Yellowstone season 3 again tonight and made me wish I could reach out to Aaron one more time.

 

[Tea]

17 hours ago, Ammagamalin Crew said:

Heard a Sturgill Simpson song watching Yellowstone season 4 again tonight and made me wish I could reach out to Aaron one more time.

 

He was all about some Sturgill!  I was aggressively admonished (for days and days) for passing on a Sturgill show a couple hours away. 

 

Chris & I were just chatting about him last night - miss him so much it hurts......