GoingBackTo Where....

showing my era with this post-----still 20 years to late for where I should of been. Would rather be 66 than 46 right now if I could of spent the time 20 years prior. I love this song I just posted. How could Men with out hats and a midget make me smile? How did this song hit me before I even learned of GD? How does this mix in with Maslow's hierarchy? Well....how do you feel dancing to the Dead? GD, DSO, Further....when your dancing to the music, this music, how do you feel? I have, at times, felt my scariest thoughts and confronted them dancing to a China Doll, Attics, Sing me back home, So many roads..etc...... Such thoughts and internal confrontations in front of 10s of thousands down to only 6---the six was DSO sound checking in Jamaica when everyone else was eating. I was dancing in the sand, alone, but not lonely. Sure we share energy, but to dance alone in front of DSO was a rariety......I did not need to share and it felt good to be selfish. To have that stage all to my own. Chills up my spine as my hands type. The Music has always been my safety dance. Ironic it took discovering the magic of this music to understand safety dance. Life is so regimented. Society constrains-----our rituals constrain further----oddly many of us still jump right in and still believe in many outdated social rituals------I was embarrassed during my wedding---standing in front of people I have known my whole life, family, and another persons family that I allowed into my world. I can not remember a time I was ever embarrassed in front of Dead Heads. I have been other emotions, but embarrassed, I can not remember. We can dance, we can dance ----- We can dance like we come from out of this world and leave the real one far behind. Well, every time I dance at shows, I leave the real one far behind. From day 1, I felt safe doing so. There is not 1 of these needs that was not fulfilled at any show I have ever been over the past 32-33 years. If anything, this pyramid has been filled completely only at shows. Days Between----when phantom ships with phantom sails set to sea on phantom tides. Days Between. Life is a dance, an exchange of who we are presented to those who see.......I rarely dance to the days between, the days between has never completed the pyramid. No wonder why we give up so much to feel that fullness!!! The safety dance-----a dance I have only felt at shows.

The Wheel into China Doll---that sums up a lot----confliction, motives, actions, keeping up, giving up, trying to hang on with a slow silence of heavens bells and the thunderous movement of a life in motion. Through it all I just wished I was a head light on a north bound train. The Thai say same same but different---in Thai of course. Not sure if I am to be sad of earth shattering shared expereinces that are same but different, or if I am to be happy someone else survived through that type of hell. I lean towards the latter----I believe we have crossed paths Greg. I want to say T for Texas brought a introduction. I appreciate your thank you and reciprocate. 6 feet---50----3000miles----hugs is love----Been a long year of distance----Summer will come...the season to dance again will be laid before our nimble toes and the wings we all need to spread.....I spent the whole day with the window open and GD at volume 10!!! My neighbors have not seen me in 8 months-----but today the heard me, and whom ever looked through my window saw a dancing man happy to move!!!

It now does seem to be in rotation. I heard a glimpse of it in 2017--maybe 2018. I did not know what I was hearing, but a Carolina feller, now retired, came up to me with raised eyebrows and excited expression. "Man, that sounded like a low spark tease". Being me, a man----I dare not share that I had no clue what he was talking about. Low spark? Are you flipping kidding me? The show being played was a 68:}----- Probably the best show I have ever heard. Less that 69 we got at Jubilee. You remember, they started playing Mountains of the Moon---and we all were a bit transformed into a OMG, what is going to happen? Was one of the last times our paths crossed. Hope that will be corrected sooner than later. We all have those we look up to for various reasons. We also remember the exchange that elevated that person to which you appreciate the gold inside the soul. Granted, all that glitters is not gold, but at times what does glitter is gold especially when that person knows all you know and then some. Mr. Vegas is true gold, and his mind will weigh deep in your own when you realize your own depth may not be as deep as those of others, and there is still some distance to go. From John Ford to Focualt------from Talking Heads to the limitless depths of the Dead. True understanding of the world is a understanding of, or at the very least exposure to history, art, society, law and science----You have to work at this. It does not come to you---you have to search it out for yourself-----My dyslexia gets me at times----so I will use someone else words: Wise people generally share an optimism that life's problems can be solved and experience a certain amount of calm in facing difficult decisions. Intelligence may be necessary for wisdom, but it definitely isn't sufficient; an ability to see the big picture, a sense of proportion, intellectual humility, and considerable introspection ....wisdom can be acquired only through experience, but by itself, experience does not automatically confer wisdom----and from that, I offer thanks to one of the wise men of our community. Low Spark, well, another door opened and another lens to see. She never destroyed me, she allowed passage back to myself. Thanks for being part of that catalyst Brother V!!!!

WOW----TR------you have done so much with this place since I first logged in. I have not had time to read through past words, but I hope your getting the support you need and more!!! Find a place---its awkward when you yourself are awkward, but this place is a place where awkward no longer is awkward but rather, a celebration of the inner excitement and the strange that comes with enjoying productions by Merry Pranksters-GD--Zen Tricksters------>DSO------> Days of strange with Novel being novel, at least since 1918. Seclusion to a recluse. Hidden behind walls, covered faces, expressions lost by vails. Its nice to bring back winks to show favor of personal flavor. Nothing more kinder this year then spinning with a lop sided belly to wonderous sounds that pierce the soul---Remember how you cried the day of your first born----Impactful---you will always remember. Life out of the movement of two bodies becoming one creating another. Its poetry in motion---Its beauty we all celebrate in the ways we like the most. Soon there after--the late nights--no sleep---the dirty diaper changes---the efforts, finances, sacrifices to make that act into a person we will always see as beautiful in our eyes no matter their failures or successes. We will still love because of the energy we give---despite the ups and downs--somehow that rollercoaster makes us closer, love more, and allows us to care beyond what we ever cared for previously. -----Sound like tour? Less the diapers? For some----we got 1 on the way, and for some reason, I think some of us may change a diaper or two over the next couple years. How Rude!! Most of us know and have a understanding or some hint of the interconnectedness of life. To be born again in the witness of thousands---to be one way, and that night turn into something else. To walk down that crazy lot and into a isle ---- to fully open you self up to something larger than yourself. Its a birth into something greater than yourself. Its love making with the moves and grooves of many. Its a product that would not be unless enjoyed with others. Its enough at times to make you cry with all the emotions you ever had or will have. A release of the deepest seeded feelings that a person can experience outside of the creation of life itself. A sacred bond shared by those we choose to love. A wise Doctor once told me, we are a dysfunctional family that choose to be family. We were not born into it--we searched for it----the meaning of it----to much to understand on our own, so we connect with others to share how it effects ourselves, only to find, it effects strangers the same way. Over time, those strangers became friends, and from friends, became family. Family, that on multiple occasions drove an extra 5-10 hours to get me home, when I missed a train. When your girl got mad and left you in a rural area with no rentals, planes or trains. The existential family stepped in and delivered you back to where you belong. I have family on here. I am lucky I searched and found individuals I will love forever, and despite me, will love me forever. People outside of us, have asked--- "why is going down the road feeling bad fun".....Me Mom--in particular-----Why is bad so glad----because---- stuck in a car melting away was not enough for a soul to leave area of the best sound just to attempt to pry my ass out of the car to share in our ritual dance. The ritual is not ours as if we own it, but the shared experiences and joy of sharing it with each other and everyone else is as close as I will ever get to the tears and the joyous feeling of my first born. ----Brother C---you did not get me out of the car---but I danced with you the same. Spirit is not always as real as shaking bones, but its as big if not bigger----thank you for trying!!!! Military----when you work through it all, you grow with some ---you know in your mind why honor, valor, and courage is respected. Its because you realize, you would actually give your life for someone you know who would do the same for you---you become connected in ways typical friendship does not offer---or even allow. The comradery----sounds light years away from this type of "Hippy" forum---but its as close as it could ever be. I came here lost, trying to find some semblance of normalcy, peace, acceptance---answers----The answers found me when I was not looking. ------There is a road, no simple highway between the dawn and the dark of night and if you go, no one may follow That path is for your steps alone You who choose to lead must follow but if your fall you fall alone if you should stand, then who's to guide you? If I knew the way, I would take you home. There is no path home but the path home you make for yourself. No one can answer those questions so deep and personal---even if you share. The beauty of it is ownership of your choices, but the love in it is the help our family gave to keep a dead man walking. The support to help a wounded brother. The understanding that we all fall. To fall is human, to seek answers is human, to step back and offer support in the journey to help someone find those paths, well------that's love in its purist form. Family kept a float a wandering soul, disheartened, disillusioned, numb, near no mercy, and the death that would of followed. Awkward---huh? lil bit---Openly shared a world of despair. Everyday, like the panhandler on the street. Just looking for little nuggets to hold on to. Something to bring back meaning to the feelings. Oddly, found it in the Ruddiest of places. Younger Cosmic offered a hand, followed by some Texas Tea, wrapped by some locally hated Reynolds out of the Carolina Contingent, and smoothed over by chance meetings with a northern Cave Doctor on some Caribbean island stuck with another confused child of Mason---who has grown as much as myself over the years--near a decade. Teacher up north and a pizza brother in Jersey who no longer frequent-- I dont forget the nights you reached out worried. What a quick synapsis of years past that seems like yesterday. There was some sweet Mango in between along with deep wisdom out of Vegas-----yea, I know, there is more to Vegas than glitter and gold!!! I will end this story with some of biggest offering of thanks---TR......Thanks T Ron----you offered confidence to a pure heart when awkward was at its height---All I wanted was to jump back on the bus, so badly it scarred some that were already riding. Anyone, anywho, anywhere else, the troubles would of been turned away, dismissed, and never thought about again. Not here----Not with these people. my 2nd GD show----so drunk despite help, they were throwing me out. Alone, helpless, all my funds and material out for some to prosecute, others to profit, and for me to loose was kept close and hidden by strangers who left 1st set of the show to care for me. Staid with me in the lot until those I was with found my near lifeless body. I do not know who those strangers were, individually, but I know them now as our family. The same family who I annoyed, pestered, and ultimately shared with the darkest moments of my life--openly, with out embarrassment----as I knew from days past, when I lost my wings---and could not fly, others would fly to me and so they did, and so I get to write this random with a smile on my face. God Bless Jerry Bless -----I am truly thankful, I am thankful for your peace, your patience, and your understanding. You are a community of brothers and sisters that choose each other!! You are family, and I am thankful to always be part of it!!! Thanks for bringing me water when I preferred beer. LOVE YALL!!!

All smiles for all those who got the music against the beautiful fountain formation.

Defintely got down110%.....followed by musical suprise by mango and friends. Good to see so many of you, good to see so many with the let loose type of dance. So much fun. 3 nights is right!! So much fun. Why cant it be every other day? Love yall, love the magic, and love the good friends that continue to help with these experiences. Floored by the beauty of it all. Other thoughts to mention, but gots to go!! And my name has changed once again....sorry for the confusion. The life of a ever evolving head!! Name changes were normal at one time....haha..internally. Thanks everyone for a real good time. Dennys both mornings 430.....thanks doc.....for getting us in the mountain. The music post show was notable, and literally infused in me the difference between beauty and what it means to be around beautiful people. I am lucky to know beautiful people. Always learning...and I learned some things about myself this weekend. Yall have fun at red rocks!!!

Love you brother. I know it's tough. We want our children to know where their parents came from. I dont know the extent of it all, but I know its serious. Can never shed that weight, but...I do hope we can help to make the weight a little lighter for a brief moment. Thoughts and prayers when the new was shared last night. You get my first sweaty hug. We met at black mtn, 2 songs into first set and you told me I looked like I was 12 songs in. Did not matter the banter or challenges previous on this site. I believe there was a immediate respect we both acknowledged. People care about you brother, which means we care about all that is you. Hopefully some time to chat, as I know you have your hands full. If not, you know the cup of love is always filled. C u soon!!

The format has changed so much since my frequent log ons.....dont know how to navigate. But, I do know, this weekend and the thrill of it had me up at 4am this morning. Like Christmas when I was 6!! Who can sleep with the anticipation. Giving up Richmond for blk mountain. Cant wait to see so many faces. The past years have aged me faster than the touring ever did. Can not wait to hit the road, get up with the Carolina contingent, and shake some bones. Love that the music will never stop. Life long friends, familure faces, and good times. Hope many of yall are ready for some sweaty hugs, as age may being showing, but my dancing remains youthful, and the spark yall bring will defintely light this sun up. Ready to shine and orbit around you beautiful stars!! Vice versa!! F..n....love this stuff!! Copperfield ain't got nuten on this type of magic!! This magic is no illusion, and it's always there!! Safe travels all....ready to kick up some wood chips at blk mountain!! And.....dont camp at koa unless u want to be called a child, while your child is sleeping in a tent, just to wake up to find out he had chocolate chip cookies for breakfast!! He still remembers that, and how I got upset....but your friends gave them to me dad. Dont lie son, I'm not, and he wasn't. Will bring all three one day, but this trip, just me, myself and i....and that's plenty!!

And thank Bobby, as velvet thunder would.never be the same. Lighting has to strike fast to catch up with how much the messin with the reason actually makes it fun to be living!! Double dose at any pace....because the I am is ever dependent on the one who follows the path to the river. Silly to not read behind to understand the now, but comment moving forward...I prefer the furthur, past was then , words are now, and dance is in the future!!

And that's a small place. Never staid post show music. To much time lifting up 69 muscle cars, or trying to find my my way out with jello legs. Let the good times roll.

2nd stage? Did they cut down trees? Where do room. See yall in heaven, even if its packed. How did I turn into other love, I thought I was a sunny going back to where I belong. And I am. Weather report looks great, boxed in between rain last to I looked.

New set up old names. Amongst the confusion of upgrade it was nice to see familiarity. Nice to read of the reunion of dates. The remeberence of the first circus ride. A throw of the unexpected, the first time. Not as good as it could be, but the best it would ever be. First are always something to reflect on. Age catches up, memerories fade, but the ones we keep, we cherish. I cherish mine. I cherish many....no regrets of a weekend missed, as the bus always idles for those waiting to hop back on. Pauses for the right reasons makes it sweeter when we go back to where we belong. Nice to read the post. No more cavey but change is the only constant. Hope all.yall are doing well. It's a strange place to be knowing where your started. A big thanks to many here. Walked me through hell, forgave my stumbles, and encouraged so many times with keep.on growing at the balck.mountain. my song to rest. And rest we need at times. Regroup, reevaluate, and fight for the beauty of the love we bring. The comfort of knowing it's always here. It moves on with out you, but allows you to come.back on. A continuum....ever last lasting, or at least built to. Carolina contingent. I second thought myself, but ...little league Saturday is more precious. Happy to come back and share my silly words, but more happy to come back and read yours. Stability....and to think we find it in the same but different. Every show, every night. Will make a jubilee a priority. Be nice to dance with you fine people again. To flail. Makes calves tighten just thinking about it. You know my love is not fade away. Happy spring, rebirth, enjoy your back yard carolina!! Sorry. Wants no longer out weigh needs, but eventually need to take a load off. Go hang out with carmin....and go spend some time loosing my twenties ...closer to 50. As always, it makes sense to me....to others, to some, it's in and out, as the garden grows and the sunshine knows, the laughing water, maybe more will eventually get me out the door. Get out of the way, splintered light will indeed come back one day!! Love yall!! How I became other love I dont know, it used to be going back where...... prior sun1869, I guess time does change all. Name change is common for me.

https://youtu.be/MiZZcYiScAc Signing on from Georgia these days. Atlanta, the New York of the south. Be nice to get a dso run down these parts. 1 mile away from the chattahoochee, I can see why that muddy water meant some to some.... Its fun to see these gd dance remakes. I see so much of soul train and other moves like PF in mine and your alls dance. I think all yall dance better, but the link is all I got at the moment, so I thought to share. Missing the music, missing yall. I really dont want to grow up, because I am a Jerry's kid, but now currently cloaked like superman in slacks and a tie. A girl at worked laughed at me yesterday, said it was cute how innocent I was;)!!! It's funny how and who we can be with out the restraints of previous knowledge. So why not always dance like monkey with those arms extended from the get go, at any show. It will always be normal if that's how you start!!

Why are the best all spoken for? To love words more than bodies, to have both. Depth is a rarity in my simple world of VBSD. A affliction all towns have. It's a Social Disorder. It's funny how childhood memories and experiences propel one forward. To remove the constraints of the isolated and strangeness of formative years. To try and be cool because you never were, until you found a traveling tribe of your own kind. I will always have feelings of inadequacy, but it's why I dance so open with the tribe you speak of. I can never be less than with people I love more than. Mental blocks still exist....perhaps its reason for over compensation. But to overcompensate with tribal rhythm is a freedom I wish for everyone!! Words impress more than a kiss, and I watched a bronx tale last night. It was a random, but now I know why it was not a random. Quantum realms offer clues why our nose itches when we are thought of or talked about. But, it does not always have to be a itchy nose. It could be something much deeper, and it usually is with this crowd. Most everyone wants to be cool once in their life. It's a bit ironic to find that coolness in the heat of the music, and the vibration of bodies dancing to the sweet sounds we all love. Warmest regards, and smiles for miles and miles!!!

First the koa, now super 8? Csnt take you anywhere T. Hopefully Rude came to the rescue and talked the boys in blue down. He is level headed, and a prize speaker for these types of issues. Proactive even. Like changing lanes in toll lines because of 1 more car ahead then in the other line:)!!! Blissfull blast it seems you all recieved. Gator, Stephen, viola? Really, that trio is worth the drive across the nation, from new Orleans to Detroit city, music everywhere. Perhaps Norfolk, VA to LA. Either way, east to west, north to south, i am happy yall got some goods!! PG, you certainly have a tribe to remeber and to rejoice. Most certainly special people. People your proud of to call friends!!! You too....pocahontas!!!

Sorry, waiting for yalls input!!

Night was fun. Great set list. Casey Jones was a hit for sure. I danced as hard as they played. Last show at Dewey for me, I got a 71. The birdsong was not what i was used too. Only because i am not well schooled in GD eras as most of you. I am learning though. Becoming more aware mentally then just the raw rhythm and b es st that makes my body move. The band slowed down after sing me back home. It's not a slight towards dso, they play as we dance. I judge the music on how it makes me move. If dead, and in a coffin, dso played at me funeral, I would jolt through that death to the music played. The whole show rocked, but you could feel the down beat after sing me back home. It was not the same. The music hit the band, as it hit a friend, she balled her eyes out during merl haggard, and then danced the rest with a man described as Ill , but so happy to be with us all. I am proud she gave a dance to someone who needed it. I hope we all do this for others. I shake my bum for those who can't get it, but the point.....share yourselves as you share yourselves with the music. So many people want to dance, let loose. When I mean dance, I dont mean head Bob, I mean, dont care....dance like you do naked and the house is empty. The blinds closed. The biggest gift we can offer is to offer safety and comfort. To be the laughable, so others dont look so laughable. To qualify, laughable when it makes us move is not funny, its smiles. Its knowing your energy is passed on to others. To be so ridiculous that others who care about being ridiculous, have a higher bar set. To be the extreme, only to shift the measure so ridiculous is normal. Thank God b&c removed the back bar. It sucked. But now it's gone!!! Thanks DSO for the memories, the people, the travel, and the insight. To give back a strength of being who you are rather then what others want you to be. You give that to me. You make me feel like superman. My glasses removed, my suit off, my chest out. It takes music to be a fool, but to do it as a man. The confidence in that is priceless, and again, you shared it with me this night.

Omg. The way the light shined, it look like that sunny guy is going bald. Reality, not Grace Kelly, or Bettie Davis, but still super hot with out words, and only with expression. As I wrote. The gifs come from masters. Second reality, stress produces dht. Testosterone, breaks down into dht.....men with drives at mid 40 liken to 18 year olds, might worry a bit about dht, as it attacks hair folicals. How does it happen you grow more hair on your ears then your head. It was all fun and games until the video link, which I just really looked at. I have seen my elders. They dance with passion and past. I respect those before me, but I never thought I might be those before others. What do you do when you cant do as you want? At what age do men think they are not 20? Or does that even happen. I have literally sat and watched, with amazement, the energy of others before me at shows. Hmmmm.. hmmmm..... hmmmm.... speechless and scared. What happens when the body cant keep up with the mind? I just got over the mind fuck of reality....now on to the physical fuck of the mind? Vegas, not Grace Kelly, no Bettie Davis eyes, but the expression is worth more.than any words can offer!!! That link smacked me hard tonight. Vanity....a whole new meaning of life!!!

I am reading back, and am confused. please dont tell me you all draw straws on who sleeps with sunny? Dont care what Cosmic says. Bangladesh street walkers smell much better these days. And, sunny always takes a three hour, maybe drown in the tub, shower post show. Wouldn't be fun if it wasn't weird!!! https://www.instagram.com/p/BmhG1whgMvp/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=137e737lpbigi It's every show, and I have learned to feed off of it. What I do realize, you never look as cool as you feel, and the cute smiles, and the butt rubs are really just laughs, and invitations; because women also think after a few drinks men around here start looking good!! Fuck....I wanna wanna, but i got to admit, i cant continue onna...

I hate to say, but I remeber that night, day, weekend!! I.miss you all. I miss black.mountain. I hate adult stuff. I wanna be a kid with money forever!! On the other hand, and I hope I dont seem narrasistic, bloated, or full of myself, as I have been labeled all.the above, with a fierce definitive, but, I swear, I wake up every morning with special powers, talents, and gifs!! The powers from the morning juice, the talent, my ability to roll my tounge in places....:).........and the gifs T or Vegas always supply!! I think I can consider myself well rounded!! But...I missed black mountain, again. Love yall kind folk. Please be safe and have a real good time!!!

Super happy for so many of you. Saw some group photos, and your smiles were a good sign of the magic. Could not be happier that DSO sold out Red Rocks. Hope that gives me a chance to make the next round. Hopefully for back to back nights!!! Safe travels to many, and for those.sticking around the Rockies to enjoy a magnificent geology, enjoy the paths you take!!  It's a strange feeling to be as happy as I am for others and as bummed as I am to miss out, but that awkwardness is too part of that magic!!! Sold out Red Rocks. Wow. Thst would.have to be the largest crowd ever. I said when I first hopped on this bus, DSO will be playing stadiums one day..... I dont want stadium shows, as I love the sound and dance space to much, but I want this music to forever be part of my kids, and their kids option for release. This is the first step, and I dont seeing it going away. Love yall....be good, be safe, and enjoy the Colorado terrain!!! Warmest of wishes.....china rider filler.....who does not wish they were a headlight, I certainly do!!!

That's a dancer's setlist if I have ever seen one. Sad I missed many of you, but life.also needs time for it's own set breaks. Safe travels home. I always start feeling sad Monday morning, people packing up. Admitting the fun is over.

Thanks Mason. Long shot...maybe. sometimes you got to leave the place where the pain starts. I really had hope for red rocks. I am encouraged by DSO west. I really am. It would be a consideration if I did not have D-Day coming. Thought about you a lot during the drive. Little birdies talked of how good your looking, how things are working out. I am happy to hear of such things. Missed your jail house shuffle dance in Raliegh,but I will see it again. Red rocks would most certainly include camping. Maybe time to get lost in the high peaks of the Rockies. Which way do you go when there is so much to loose , but yet, so much to gain. Would be easy if the little ones were not chirpping back home. Love you brother, and thanks!! Words are worth more when exspoused by those we love and respect!! You know you have both!!

I am so happy for you T!!! That's a great setlist. I should of followed y'all..instead I slept till 4 in the room. They never came by to clean up. Best late check out I ever had. I wish I could stretched the legs with y'all for just one more night, but since I could not...I am estatic you did!! Love brother!!