Using voice to text so please excuse the typos.
Rick what can I say I love you my brother! I remember meeting your mother at the house outside of Atlantic City. We talked for about 15 minutes and in the conversation I had mentioned that I haven't drank or anything else for many years.
She asked me to please watch out for you!
You know from time to time I have reached out to you to offer support if you wanted it. I have learned painfully that you cannot talk an addict into stopping you can beat them up lock them up counsel pray over Etc but they will not stop until they want to. I will always be there for you!
Rick you know much of my story and for your benefit and others that may be looking for hope I'm here to tell you that you can stay clean and overcome the guilt of your life!
I will never judge you nor have I ever because I know the life that I lived for many years. Some of the most spiritual people I know have been the dredges of society at some point in their lives.
At 14 I got my first sheet of acid figuring I would sell it I sold two hits and the other 98 I consumed in the next 3 and half weeks. I had a period of 6 years shooting an 8ball of Coke or speed nearly every day and drinking a fifth to fifth and a half of scotch every day. With my first major surgery reconstructed shoulder doctor said he doesn't give me more than a year but more than likely a week to months before I die with the path I was on. I quit drinking but continued with the drugs. In all told do to addiction I've had a reconstructed shoulder eight broke ribs rupture spleen 2 back operations broke the Fusions 4 herniated disc above that and six operations on my knees. I had a hard time walking and had to use a cane for close to 10 years. The only thing that gave me relief was heroin. I was shooting 50 to 60 bags of 90% pure Brooklyn (tango n cash, doa etc)dope and had consigned myself to die.
In 94 I was back at my parents house doing what I do selling drugs. I got set up brought to the county the cops went to my parents house my mom had a heart attack and went in the hospital and died. My dad was an electrical engineer at Bell labs and my mom was a real estate broker. I was a junkie..
I had nothing to live for. One more day I find myself alive tomorrow maybe go beneath the ground...
I listened to this everyday while living in my car after getting out of County Jail for the next 10 months and all I wanted was a little peace before I die. Rick you can come back from the deepest depths of despair I did and you and I are more like than you know. Or maybe you do know.. I got clean in March of 1995 and had 2.5 years with my father before he ended up with cancer and asked me to be in charge and make the decisions on his life and death.
Rick with all the guilt I had about my life, all the injuries that I have had, 3 felonies and the difficulties of overcoming immense guilt I have been clean for over 27 years.
You are a very special person Rick yes intelligent A pure heart and not a bad person trying to be good, just a sick person trying to get well. You can do this!!!
Wasn't it Nietzsche that said "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger."
Time to show your strength my friend, Call me!!!