Did you hear the one about......?

[bs69]

16 hours ago, Ammagamalin Crew said:

From Goodfellas

"My wife says she wants to go on a trip to a place she's never been.

I said how about the kitchen"

 

 

name that scene, what part of the movie?

Henny Youngman at the Copa?

[Greg from Chestertown]

So, this mailman is getting ready to retire after decades on the same mail route. Three desperate housewives on his route get together and decided that they need to do something to mark the occasion, thank him for his years of service. 
   The mailman’s last day rolls around. He goes to one house and the housewife has a box of chocolates for him.  He goes to the second house and the housewife gives him a gift certificate for a nice, local restaurant. He goes to the third house and the woman answers the door wearing her sexiest lingerie, takes him upstairs and fucks him in half. 
  Afterwards, he is leaving and she stops him at the door, gives him a dollar. ‘What’s this for?’, he asks. She says, ‘well, I asked my husband what to do for your retirement and he said, ‘Fuck him, give him a dollar.’ 

[Tea]

 Why do walruses love a tupperware party?

They’re always on the lookout for a tight seal.

[Greg from Chestertown]

What kind of meat do priests eat?

  Nun. 

[Ammagamalin Crew]

I went to visit a psychic.

I knocked on the door.

She asked "who is it?"

So I left.

[Greg from Chestertown]

Two guys are walking down the street. They get to the corner and there’s a dog licking his balls. One guy says to the other, “man, I wish I could do that.” The other guy says, “if you go over and pet him real nice, maybe he’ll let you.”

[Tea]

I stole a stripper's kid.
It was like taking baby from a Candi.

[PoetryGirl]

Did you hear the cannibal pathologist got fired?

missing evidence

too into his work

 

Two cannibals are eating a lost tourist.

One starts at the head; the other at the feet. After a while, one notices the other is really quiet.

He asks, "you ok?" 

The other replies, "I'm fine;  I'm having a ball. "

"you are eating too fast."

 

 

Two cannibals are eating Jim Gaffigan.

^{One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?"}

^{The other says, "no".}

 

^{Two clowns are eating a cannibal.}

^{One says to the other, " I think we got this joke wrong."}

 

 

 

 

[Tea]

On 3/7/2023 at 10:29 PM, PoetryGirl said:

 

 

[Ammagamalin Crew]

Time wounds all heals 

The right for bears to arm

[Greg from Chestertown]

What do women and Jell-O have in common? 
They both quiver before you eat them. 

[Ammagamalin Crew]

The guy who's trying to tell me about gun control who left millions of guns in Afghanistan 

[Greg from Chestertown]

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? 

[Ammagamalin Crew]

a chair?

[Greg from Chestertown]

Hey, I guess you’re right. I never thought about an answer. I do believe that’s a Steven Wright observation, not mine.

[Tea]

Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.

[Greg from Chestertown]

What did one casket say to the other casket?
Is that you coffin?

[Greg from Chestertown]

Is there tax on condoms?

 

No, they stay on by themselves. 

[Tea]

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
 

I wouldn't pay $50 to have a lentil on my face.

[Tea]

I met a girl online, and arranged a blind date with her at the gym. She never showed up, and that’s when I knew…

 

… we weren’t going to work out.