Did you hear the one about......?

[Greg from Chestertown]

April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring? 
Pilgrims ! 
  

[Greg from Chestertown]

What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

 The taste. 
 What do women and Jell-O have in common?

 They both quiver before you eat them. 

[Greg from Chestertown]

Here’s a new twist on an old joke; 

 Mike Pence walks into a bar with a fly on his head. The bartender says, ‘ can I help you?’ The fly says, ‘ yea, get this guy off my ass.’ 

[Ammagamalin Crew]

What do you call a wreath made of 100 dollar bills?

 

Aretha Franklin's 

[Greg from Chestertown]

How ‘bout an old Redd Foxx joke bust out? Two women are talking. One asks the other one there, ‘do you smoke after sex?’ The other one answers, ‘I don’t know, I never looked.’ 

[Greg from Chestertown]

Little red riding hood is walking through the woods when the big, bad wolf jumps out from behind a tree. He tells her, ‘ I am going to cut you up in little pieces’. Little red riding hood says,’no, you’re not. Your going to take me to grandmothers house and tie me up and eat me just like the book says!’ 

[gr8fulpair]

This guys wife is standing nude in front of the mirror. She says “oh, my tits are sagging, and my ass looks flabby. Honey, tell me something I can feel good about.” He pauses, ... then says “well, your vision is perfect.”

[Greg from Chestertown]

What’s old and wrinkled and smells like Ginger ? 
 

Fred Astaire’s face. 

[Ammagamalin Crew]

I'm so excited. We are closing on a loan this week for a tank of gas!

[Greg from Chestertown]

Raiders !!!!!

[bs69]

3 hours ago, Greg from Chestertown said:

Raiders !!!!!

Hilarious,  joke of the day!

[Dead duck]

An 80 year old couple wanted to rekindle some excitement for their anniversary so the night before as they went to bed they made plans to show up for and eat breakfast naked. So they’re sitting there the next morning and the wife says, “this is really working, my nipples are as hot for you this morning as they’ve ever been”

The old man looks up, then back down and says without missing a beat “that’s because one of them is in your oatmeal and the other is in your coffee.”

[Greg from Chestertown]

What’s the difference between a oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

 The taste. 

[Tea]

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

 

The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."

[Hardpan]

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?

 

(most would answer aRrrrr)

 

 In your best pirate voice:

 Some would say it’s the Rrrrr, but really, it’s the Ccccccc!!

[gr8fulpair]

A woman stands nude in front of the mirror noticing all of her sags and wrinkles. “Honey, say something good about me to make me feel better about myself.”

 

”Well,” he says, “seems your vision is spot on!”

[Greg from Chestertown]

Pirate walks into a bar, (you think he would have seen it) he’s got a ship’s steering wheel in his pants. Bartender says, ‘hey, you know you got a ship’s steering wheel in your pants? Pirate says, ‘Aarrrgh, it’s driving me nuts! 

[Hardpan]

You hear about the pirate selling corn?

 

He was charging a buck an ear. 

[Greg from Chestertown]

A naive, inexperienced young man gets married, is not sure what to do on his wedding night. He calls his mother and asks her what to do. His mother says, ‘ lay down along side her, rub her belly, and tell her you love her.’ So he does just that. His new bride says, ‘oh, lower, lower.’ The man musters up his deepest voice, rubs her belly, and says, ‘I love you’. 
 The young man calls his mother back and explains that that didn’t work. Mother says, ‘ take your most prized possession and put it where she pee pee’s.’ So gets his bowling ball and puts it in the toilet. 

[Mango]

On 11/30/2022 at 8:19 AM, gr8fulpair said:

A woman stands nude in front of the mirror noticing all of her sags and wrinkles. “Honey, say something good about me to make me feel better about myself.”

 

”Well,” he says, “seems your vision is spot on!”

 

She might tell you that your memory needs to be checked because you posted the same joke a year ago (and told it better that time 😃).

[Greg from Chestertown]

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? 

[Tea]

Why doesn’t Santa Claus have any children?

 

Because he only comes once a year and it’s down your chimney

[bs69]

On 11/16/2022 at 3:51 PM, Greg from Chestertown said:

Raiders !!!!!

I think you'll have to add the Patriots to this even though the Raiders were involved in the joke. That was hilarious yesterday

[Ammagamalin Crew]

From Goodfellas

"My wife says she wants to go on a trip to a place she's never been.

I said how about the kitchen"

 

 

name that scene, what part of the movie?

[PA_Randy]

The Invisible Man walks into the doctor's office demanding an appointment immediately. The doctor says to the receptionist "tell him I can't see him right now!"